In this episode, I am going to answer a question from Instagram “How do I deal with hater relatives? I’m going to dive into how to deal with those people who pick on you, bash you, and just in general hate on everything you do.
These people are part of the family, a relative and people that you grew up with and you’re close to. It makes kind of a weird situation because most of us have done nothing to them. It’s something that is a psychological problem or maybe a cultural thing from them.
You can’t change people. You can’t tell them how to be. You can’t tell them how to act and you can’t tell people how to respect you. People will respect you if they want to or not. Even if you’re a good person, people will still hate you – especially when you obtain some level of success.
Whatever they have going on inside is causing them to disrespect you- and you can’t fix it, so it usually isn’t worth the time or effort to try.
But you can be a better, happier person, and just wish those haters well. If you want to know how I deal with these toxic relatives, then this episode is for you!
- Could it be a psychological problem or a cultural thing? (00:50)
- Mean words, bashing in my childhood (01:55)
- Coping in dealing with toxic relatives (04:59)
- The best way to deal with them (07:26)
- Remember! No sane adult would ever hate on a child for no reason (10:44)
- Take the further step to healing yourself (11:55)
- The sweetest revenge (13:57)
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Disclaimer: The Transcript Is And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors
00:00 You can’t change people. You can’t tell them how to be. You can’t tell them how to act and you can’t tell people how to respect you. People will respect you if they want to or not. If you’re a good person, you know, find a cure for world hunger, people will still hate you. People will still disrespect you because of whatever they have going on inside. You can’t fix it.
00:28 Hey girls. Hey guys. This is your uncensored behind the scenes look at what it takes to rise above in all areas of your life. If life has dealt you a shitty hand of cards, or if you feel like you need to level up, or if you just feel like the underdog, and you want to let your gifts flourish, well I’m here to show you how. I am your host Christine Mendoza and this is Bawdy Talk.
00:50 Hi Guys. So I am going to answer questions from Instagram. Friend of mine that asked me, how do I deal with hater titas, hater auntie’s, hater relatives? So it’s obviously not just in my Filipino culture. But it’s in every culture that we have hater relatives. And it’s kind of weird because I mean most of us have done nothing to them. I mean we’re children, right? Growing up and we have hater relatives and it’s the weirdest thing to me in my opinion because I mean granted as an adult I did some crazy stuff, not the quintessential perfect daughter. But I was hanging on since I was like, seven, eight. So obviously if you’re getting hated on at seven or eight years old by an adult, it’s not anything that you’ve done. It’s something that is a psychological problem or maybe a cultural thing from them because what can a seven or eight year old do?
01:55 Correct? So a lot of people were like, well what do they hate on you? About a seven or eight, I was told, oh my God, you have rat teeth. Your teeth, your teeth are very big and your body is very, very fat and you have a like a mustache on your upper lips. And you need to lose some weight, you’re eating too much. Your fat like at eight. I’m hungry, I have a mustache. What do I do? You know? And like I said, I don’t know if it’s a generational or even a psychological thing cause it doesn’t happen to everyone. Right? But my parents never said anything like that to me. I never had them pick on me about my physical attributes, but I definitely did have relatives that that did. And I have zero idea why. So it wasn’t like they were judging me on my adult decisions because obviously, I did not go the perfect daughter quintessential look at my route.
03:10 I went kind of by the wayside, did my own thing. So I get it. If people were to judge me with my decisions, with my modeling and dancing and stuff like that, you know what? Totally normal people will do it. People have different levels of what they’re comfortable with and opinions, right? As an adult. But like as a child, you don’t ever judge a child, especially on their physical attributes because they’re children. I mean as a parent, I would never do that to my own, let alone another child. So I’m kind of confused as to why that’s even rampant. So if you haven’t experienced that, then you’re very lucky. But a lot of us have, and I know you guys are understanding what I’m saying. So fast forward into teens, same thing. Oh my God, look at your body, your de-de is hanging out.
04:03 I’m my God, like your, your eyebrows look like a Bangus. Like you have very thin eyebrows like okay, oh oKay. And then into adulthood with, oh my God oh look at Tin-Tin she’s like dancing like that on the Internet. Like her body is like, oh my God. Like she’s showing her like that, like all rights. And it was exactly like that by the way. So all I could really do was just take it in stride and obviously like it wasn’t something that I could control and I was always taught to respect my elders, but I’ve experienced it since I was a child and probably up until now they just don’t see it to my face cause I tell them to fuck off. But back then respect was of huge things. So I just allowed it. But I don’t think it’s right.
04:59 And one of the things that I use to cope with dealing with hater relatives that obviously are close to you, your family, um, is to just let them talk. Because honestly, when people have the audacity to talk shit to each child, that’s not even there. By the way, they’re not feeding that child. They’re not taking care of that child. They’re not paying their bills or not putting the clothes on their back or even doing their hair or brushing their teeth. If that’s not their child and they don’t do any extra work, what the fuck do you think that they have any right to say anything about that child that’s not your child mind your own fucking business, worrying about your own. That’s my opinion about that. And secondly, for someone to have that audacity to do that, to someone that has done nothing to them, that they can benefit from, that they don’t do anything for means they have some kind of issues with themselves perhaps that, uh, their parents did it to them and their relatives did it to them.
06:04 Um, perhaps they’re even unhappy with their own children and we may never even know, or maybe they’re just psychopaths. And that’s just how they deal with life. Like they just go and talk shit about people that they don’t even know or have done nothing to them. We will never know because everyone lives an individual life with an individual past, with their own parents, their own problems, their own boyfriends, girlfriends, jobs, situations, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, their own life. So we can’t understand why people do the things they do or say the things they say. It’s fucked up and it should stop. And the way I deal with it now is I look at them and I’m like, okay, well you must not be happy. And obviously relatives are not gonna tell me Shit today because I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but I’m a grown woman.
07:10 I can say whatever the fuck I want, but back then they caught me at a good time because back then I let it slide. But now it’s like, how dare you mind your own fucking business. So when you have to deal with someone that constantly picks on you and you’ve done nothing to them, and it’s not even a stranger cause it’s strangers are even weirder if they are gonna hate on you for no reason. But if it’s a relative that you’re supposed to know that it’s supposed to care for you and love you and be there for you, and they do that to you as a child and they do that to you in as a, as an adult, then they have problems. So the best you can do is just allow them to be toxic in their own shit because they’re probably really, really old and they’re never going to change.
08:07 You can’t tell someone that’s like 70 or 60 or you know, obviously older than you, that you need to change. This is you. You have to do it. Cause people are gonna change if they want to. So if that person has been toxic from the beginning to this very day, they’re going to go and be toxic forever. So the best thing you can do is just let them be toxic by themselves. And obviously the price, they’re gonna run their mouth and talk about you and just be like, oh my God, oh my a god. I’m a guy like gods. Oh my God. But you have to just do better. You have to be better because they’re old. They have probably, you know, limited time on this earth being a hater ass bitch. But let them, because you, if you’re younger and listening to this, because we’re all probably in the same age demographic, you have an amazing life ahead of you.
09:07 Imagine if you were 70 and you were hating on a child, that’s a fucking sad life. So if you have a relative that’s like that, put it into perspective and be like, dude, you’re old. You’re still mad. Like just stop and let them be that. Because you can’t change people. You can’t tell them how to be. You can’t tell them how to act. And you can’t tell people how to respect you. People will respect you if they want to or not. If you’re a good person, you, you know, find, find a cure for world hunger, people will still hate you. People will still disrespect you because of whatever they have going on inside. You can’t fix it. So the best remedy to that is allow them to be toxic, especially if they’re old. Let them be old and dog sick and go on about your life because you don’t want to look forward to being old and toxic like them.
10:18 And like I said, you can’t fix it. So you know, you can go respectful round be like okay, I still respected to you as my relative, but I will love you from afar and you know, good luck and you know, if you ever need anything, just let me know, but I am good on you. Or if you want to be told, which would be like, I don’t want to deal with you. Fuck you. It’s your life and it’s your relationship with these people. So don’t let toxic relatives bring you down. Because if you really, really dissect their relationship with them and realize how they were toxic to you since you are a child, remember that no sane adult would ever hates on a child for no reason. And if so they have problems and problems out of your control. And like I said, it could be a generational conditioning or whatever they’re going through and that’s not any excuse at all.
11:16 ‘Cause like I said, no sane adult would ever do that. But if it has molded you and conditioned you to feel bad about yourself, insecure and hurt, just know that only a psychopath would make someone feel that way for no reason. And if you’re ever feeling down about the people closest to you that hurt you and say these things for no reason, you need to understand that you are so much better than their own issues. And I say that because people will throw whatever their turmoil is inside on to you and some people do it subconsciously and some people do it on purpose. But again, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs. And the minute that you realize that it was never you and it was some psychopath, then you take the further step to heal and learn that you are so much better than what other people say, especially your own relatives.
12:18 You are an amazing person because obviously for someone to pick on you for no reason, you’re a threat, you have so much more life and capability ahead of you so you can transform and grow and to be the person that you want to be. And you can accomplish so many more things than these people because the people that are bashing you and hurting you who are way older than you are literally on their last years. So they’re living in toxicity until they can realize how horrible that they’ve been in change it. But when they realize it and change it, how late is that going to be? And for you, you have your whole life ahead of you. So don’t worry, in fact, pity them and feel sorry for them because I don’t want to be a senior citizen and hate on people and be grumpy and talk shit about children and who does that?
13:21 I want to be happy when I’m old and I want to accomplish things. And, and for people that are old and, and in that mindset that are grumpy and hater and toxic, like I feel really, really sorry for them. And if you’re ever feeling like those types of people ever molded you to be an insecure adult, to feel like you’re less than to feel like the black sheep, to feel whatever the case may be. You know what? Fuck it, what’s done is done. They’ve said what they’ve had to say. You can’t really fix it at this point. All you can really do is move forward and fix your situation now. And the worst thing to these types of people is showing them that you made it, that you are the shit that you are. Everything that they said that you would never be. And of course they’ll never congratulate you.
14:14 They’ll say like me, what? Ebers but you know in your heart that you did it. And it’s probably annoying them to the court to see that you actually did it. And honestly, it’s not even for validation from them. You need to validate yourself because you may or may not even get a congratulations or a good job, or I’m proud of you. So don’t expect it. Be Proud of yourself when you look in the mirror, be proud of you and you know, if you want to take the higher route and just allow them to be toxic on their own, it’s okay to love them from afar. You can still respect them and care for them in other ways that do not involve having to listen to their toxicity, but at a very, very long distance away. So you just have to learn that it’s okay to protect yourself.
15:14 It’s okay to understand that they’re just not all there. It’s okay to understand that they may have issues and it’s okay to understand that, yeah, they may have hurt you or maybe conditioned you to feel a certain type of way by herself, but you can always change that they can’t. And that’s why you have the upper hand and you can be a better person, a happier person, and just wish them well. If you choose to cut them off, then obviously that’s your own decision. But if you want to come from a place of love and forgiveness and understanding, it’s okay to forgive people who are not all there, especially if they’re a relative. And before I go, I want to reiterate, this is about relatives. It’s not about acquaintances, friends, business. This particular podcast is about family, relatives and people that you grew up with and you’re close to that.
16:20 It’s hard to part ways with, especially people that are older that you were brought up to respect. I respect my elders enough to understand and I do have several amazing relatives, aunties and uncles that helped raise me, took care of me when my mom was working. Basically was there for me when I had no one. And I truly, truly owe so much to them and I love them very much. So it’s not like all of my relatives were shady. The shady, toxic ones. I don’t harbor any ill feelings towards them. And personally, I can still be cordial and respectful. Respectful. Oh my God. I’m talking all the shit and I’m becoming like them. Just as I was saying before, I deliciously fogged out. I can still be cordial and respectful. But I don’t have to like them. And if I choose to, I can still love from afar. If you are a person that resonates with a story and has had a relative hurt you, I hope that you’re able to heal from it. Let go, perhaps forgive and find closure. Because like I said, you have an amazing life ahead of you. And you know what, we are stronger now because we are the black sheep that had to prove not to them but to us that we are everything they said we are not. And you have to be proud of yourself. Yeah. Love you guys. Thank you. And a team blog. Shoot. How old are you today? Oh, cool. Yeah. So let me know if you guys have any other questions. If you have any other topics you want me to get into or if you like this podcast, let me know ‘cause I wanna know what your thoughts are. And I guess I’ll talk to you guys later. I love you bye.
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